My wife (44) and I (43) have been married for 10 years. Ever since we dated, I have been the default driver. She gets stressed about driving and I get motion sickness unless I drive so it all kind of worked out.
For the last couple of years, we started a tradition during the holidays to drive about 5 hours to my wife’s cousin’s place. After we make plans to visit, all of the cousins would fly in from different states to join us. Since my MIL(78) lives near us, she would come along too. She used to make the drive herself in the past but cannot do it by herself anymore. While my MIL needs to make many pitstops, more than the average person, that doesn’t bother me. I am happy to be the driver. We did this a handful of times with no issues.
So, the other day, my MIL was over at our house and we were talking about making the drive for another holiday get together. And then my MIL, out of nowhere, says, “I would love that, if Bobby (me) would promise to drive safer.”
I was very confused about her criticism of my driving. First of all, she has never mentioned this before. Also, I get made fun of by my friends because I drive like a granny (no offense to grannies!). I mean, there is dangerous driving and then there are people who maybe drive with one hand or don’t always abide by the 3- seconds-behind-the-car rule. I don’t exactly count every time I get behind another vehicle but I keep a safe distance. Honestly, all I could think of that might be considered dangerous is that I tend to speed up to pass semi trucks because I don’t like being behind them. Don’t most people do this? I pass them in the left lane and get back in the right lane.
I also want to add that any time I have a passenger in my vehicle, I am extra careful. In addition, since we have a 3 year old daughter, add another level of care. I was kind of flabbergasted that my MIL thinks my driving is at all dangerous. I asked her what she means and she mentioned that at the speed of 60 mph, I need at least 12 car lengths between the car in front. Who actually does this especially when there are many vehicles on the road? I don’t mind driving but driving 5 hours, making sure we are safe, weighs heavily on me already. I don’t need someone looking over my shoulder judging my driving.
I was pretty heated inside and didn’t respond to her immediately to which my MIL said, “Bobby, it’s rude to ignore me when I am talk to you.” This made me even more angry. My wife immediately knew that I was not happy. She knows that when I get angry, I tend to not say anything because it is my defense mechanism from saying the wrong thing. Growing up, my dad was the kind of person who would not think before he opened is mouth during an argument. Even if he was right, his reactive responses would make him look d*_mb and wrong.
I thought through what I should say and I said, “I don’t have to drive if my driving scares you. I can sit in the back and keep Lisa (my daughter) occupied.” I was pretty proud of myself because I said it pretty calmly. I would have enjoyed not driving for once. My wife, trying to calm the situation, added, “I can drive, no problem.”
At this point, my MIL started to talk to me like I was 5. She said, “That’s not an adult response.” At this point, I just lost it and said, “It’s fine if you don’t like my driving. I think I am a pretty safe driver but if you don’t like it, I don’t have to drive. Tess (my wife) said she can drive. Problem solved.” to which she started arguing about the rules of the road.
I told her that I will be an even worse driver knowing I am being judged and second guessing myself. It’s probably better if I don’t drive at this point. Honestly, I don’t remember how the heated moment ended but I have been stewing over this since.
My wife has been very supportive of me and kept asking me, “are you really not going to drive us?” Honestly, I don’t want to. AITAH?