I’m 25, and my girlfriend and I have been together for almost six years. We’ve grown up together, made plans for the future, and overall, our relationship has been solid. However, there’s one issue that’s been eating away at me lately: money.
She works as an accountant and earns a very comfortable hourly wage. On top of that, she recently received a high-paying job offer that will significantly increase her annual income. I’m genuinely proud of her. She worked incredibly hard in school, applied for countless scholarships, and managed her education responsibly. By the time she graduated, she had saved a large amount of money, which she still has in her savings today.
I, on the other hand, work in a trade as a first-year apprentice. My income is stable, but it’s nowhere near hers, and I’m still waiting on my next raise. I try my best to save money, but anyone who’s been in a long-term relationship knows how difficult that can be when you’re constantly paying for dates, outings, and shared expenses.
Things really started bothering me after I totaled my car. Suddenly, I was forced to think seriously about emergency savings, personal loans, and financial planning. I explained to my girlfriend that I needed to slow down on spending so I could rebuild my finances and possibly avoid taking out a loan.
Her advice surprised me. She calmly told me that I should just save a small fixed amount each month, explaining that this is exactly what she does and that it works perfectly for her. Meanwhile, the rest of her income goes toward shopping, beauty products, and other lifestyle expenses.
What frustrated me wasn’t how she spends her money—it’s hers, after all—but the imbalance. I realized that I was consistently spending a large portion of my income on “us,” while she rarely contributed financially to shared activities. When I brought this up, she told me that she prefers to keep her money saved and that choosing to spend mine on the relationship was my own decision.
That response hit hard. It made me feel like the financial responsibility of our relationship was placed entirely on me, despite the significant income gap between us. I don’t want access to her savings, and I’m not asking her to support me. I simply want things to feel fair—where both partners contribute in a way that reflects their financial situation.
Now I’m left questioning myself. Am I being unreasonable for wanting financial balance in a long-term relationship? Or am I overthinking something that’s just a normal part of adulthood and money management?
I genuinely love her, and aside from this issue, our relationship is strong. But I can’t shake the feeling that if we don’t address this now, it could become a much bigger problem in the future.