I’m 17F, and my parents separated several years ago. Since then, I’ve been dividing my time between both homes. I love my dad’s place because it’s more peaceful, and I’m able to focus on school, my future, and even some financial planning I’ve been learning about online.
My mom remarried three years ago, and life at her house became much busier. My step-siblings are younger and full of energy, which is totally normal, but sometimes it becomes overwhelming for me—especially when I’m studying topics like insurance policies, mortgage basics, or how to choose an attorney after an accident. I’ve been trying to prepare for adulthood, and a quiet space really helps.
Over time, my mom and stepdad started encouraging me to include my step-sister in my hangouts. I genuinely tried, but our personalities and routines are very different. She enjoys high-energy activities while I prefer relaxing weekends with my friends, movies, and planning for college. None of this is anyone’s fault—we just have different needs.
Last week was my birthday. Normally, I do a small sleepover at whichever parent I’m staying with, but this time I knew my mom’s house would be crowded and loud. I didn’t want drama or anyone feeling left out, so I told my mom I preferred a simple family dinner instead. Then, the following weekend, I did a small sleepover at my dad’s place because the environment there is quieter and more comfortable for hosting friends.
Everything went great until my step-sister saw a photo of the sleepover online. She felt sad she wasn’t included, and my mom and stepdad got upset, thinking I excluded her on purpose. I explained that it wasn’t about her—I just wanted a calm place to celebrate, something I can’t always have at their home.
I understand she struggles with friendships and that my mom wants me to support her, but I also feel like I’m allowed to have my own space, my own social life, and moments of peace. It’s not fair to expect me to sacrifice everything, especially during stressful school months when I’m applying for scholarships, learning about student loan options, and figuring out future plans.
Yesterday I talked with my dad, and he told me I’m old enough to choose where I feel most stable. He doesn’t want me to cut off my mom—just to prioritize my well-being. So for now, I’m staying with him more often until things calm down. I hope my mom understands it’s not rejection; it’s just about needing balance.
I’m trying to handle everything respectfully, but sometimes I wonder… am I the bad one for choosing the quieter home for my birthday celebration?