I (30F) have recently been really sick and in and out of the hospital getting infusion treatments. My husband has been my rock through it all.
Last year, we moved states because my in-laws asked us to. They have a micro family and want to stay close. Since our move, they’ve never once come to visit us except after we bought our house. They visited for an hour and left to “b*_at traffic”. We’ve driven to them over 15 times (an hour each way), and they still expect we go to them even though the drive now wipes me out and risks my health. I don’t have any family or close friends here besides them, and despite my husband asking several times for help, they always make excuses as to why they can’t visit even though they’re both retired.
Recently, a new situation added more emotional stress to everything we’ve been dealing with. My mother-in-law and my husband share the same birthday, and she suggested planning a week-long family trip during Thanksgiving. When my husband mentioned that he needed to confirm with me due to medical appointments and work commitments, she responded by saying it would be “better” if I stayed home to rest while the rest of the family traveled.
My husband immediately declined the idea because he didn’t want to leave me alone while I’m managing ongoing treatments. He asked whether the trip could be postponed or adjusted to something more local and accessible. That’s when my MIL revealed she had already booked a resort several hours away and spent “thousands,” implying that our absence would negatively impact the holiday.
Learning that the trip was booked without consulting us made it clear that the plan never truly included me. It seemed the priority was scheduling around another family member’s availability rather than considering our situation or my well-being. The realization felt dismissive and emotionally draining.
Feeling overwhelmed, I decided to address the situation directly and expressed that they should enjoy their planned vacation without worrying about us. Afterward, several family members began calling and leaving messages saying my tone was disrespectful, which added even more tension.
This entire situation raises important conversations about healthy boundaries, emotional well-being, communication strategies, and how families can support each other—especially during challenging health circumstances. Many people face similar issues involving family dynamics, conflict resolution, mental health support, and relationship advice, making it essential to reflect on the best ways to maintain balance, respect, and a strong support system.
So now I’m left wondering:
Was it inappropriate for me to end the call the way I did, or was I simply setting a necessary boundary during a stressful time?