When my daughter passed away, my two grandchildren were still very young. Some time later, my son-in-law remarried and built a blended family with his new wife and their children. Before my daughter died, she left a small trust for her kids, but because she was still young, she didn’t have much to leave behind.
My husband and I wanted our grandchildren to have a strong start in adulthood, so we decided to set aside a significant amount of money for each of them to access when they turned eighteen. Our intention was to help them go to college, buy a home, or pursue training for their dream careers.
We chose not to tell our son-in-law about these savings. We were worried that the money might be expected to be shared among all the children in the blended family or that our grandchildren might receive less focus or resources because the money existed. The funds were meant specifically for our daughter’s children—not for the household and not as a form of child support.
Two years ago, our oldest grandchild graduated and received access to her funds. She chose not to tell her father. This year, our youngest grandchild graduated, opened a high-interest savings account, and decided to follow a different career path instead of going to college. During this process, my son-in-law discovered the existence of the money.
His wife was extremely upset and said we should have told them years earlier. My son-in-law said he felt hurt that we didn’t provide something for all the children and that keeping this private prevented him and his wife from planning equally for the whole family. He believes we created unnecessary tension by not telling them.
Our youngest grandchild has since moved in with us, and both grandchildren have spoken with their father several times, but he still insists that my husband and I should have informed him from the beginning.
So now I’m wondering… AITA?