For context, I’ve been in college classes with this girl for the last year. We’re in the same degree program and have become friendly. I don’t hate her at all; I’ve just reached my limit and might’ve gone too far.
This semester we have the exact same schedule, so we ended up sitting next to each other in every class. At first I chalked a smell coming from her up to stress and assumed it was a temporary slip in hygiene. It happens. But it has been every. Single. Day.
The best way I can describe the smell is like strong barn-type body odor, as if she worked outside on a hot humid summer day and didn’t shower. She has long, pretty hair but it’s visibly oily from roots to ends. By our third class of the day I’m nauseous and trying not to gag. After a month of this not getting better, another friend in our program admitted they sit on the opposite side of the room because of how distracting the smell is. It kinda broke my heart to hear, and I’d hope someone would tell me if I was in her position.
One day after school, I spent HOURS carefully crafting a text to tell her she has some body odor and that I was only bringing it up because I care, didn’t want her to be embarrassed. Not a fan of confrontation and thought a private message was kinder. She read it, gave just a thumbs up, and never talked about it again.
The next day I finally wasn’t trying to hold my breath… and
the smell was back by the end of our second class. That
was 2 months ago.
Now we’re in crunch time for finals. We stayed after
classes until around midnight working on a project with
several other students. I finally couldn’t take it anymore
after she scooted inches away from my face to help me
on my computer. Within seconds of her getting that
close, I ran to the nearest trashcan to throw up.
She asked if I was okay, but I was so sleep-deprived and
stressed that I couldn’t hold back. I told her that she
smells so bad that just being near her has been making
me nauseous all year. Still clutching the trashcan, trying
not to throw up again, I blurted out, “How do you not
smell yourself? How can you not notice how bad this is?”
She said she’s just forgetful, mentioned that her mom or
fiancé don’t remind her, a woman in her early 20’s. She
doesn’t work so she can focus on school, so from my
perspective it seems like she could make time to shower.
Before I stormed out, I raised my voice and pleaded for
her to just take a d**n shower.
I feel bad for yelling and I know I sounded harsher than I
meant to. I was exhausted and at my limit, but I still have
to sit next to her for another 3 weeks before the semester
ends. I feel guilty for snapping in front of other students,
but I also feel like I had no other options left after months
of this and the fact that texting her didn’t seem to help.
AITA for finally snapping and yelling at my friend about
her B.O. after literally throwing up even though I had
already tried to bring it up gently before?
EDIT:
Ok wow I really didn’t expect this to blow up the way it
did. I’m trying not to give out too many personal details
so this says anonymous but to answer some of the
questions in the comments….
– With how often I’ve been around her, she’s told me a lot
of unprompted personal info so I know more than I
probably should.
– Some comments claimed mental or physical health, she
claims she has ADHD, but complained that 2 doctors
have told her she doesn’t really show any signs and
refused to diagnose or offer medication.
– It purely seems that she just doesn’t shower unless she’s
told to by her parents or Fiancée.
– some mentioned clothing, which was something I
didn’t mention. She’s wearing dirty pajamas almost
everyday which probably contributes.
– Again trying not to give out too much personal
information, but she will act like it’s a quirky personality
trait that she’s just forgetful with hygiene. She’s told me
private conversations she’d had with her doctors about
this that I shouldn’t really get into here.
– I sent her one text about the body odor, and from what it
seemed like the next day, it was probably just a quick- “let
the water just hit me for a few minutes” kind of shower
since her hair was still just as oily. Whenever she would
give me whole “tee hee I just forget” I’d tried to be a little
firmer and say you gotta take better care of yourself
hygiene wise and leave it at that.
With how bad it is I definitely should’ve pressed her more
about it and I’d hope it wouldn’t get so bad that I
physically vomit. But at the same time we are in our 20’s,
she’s got a fiance, she lives at home not a dorm. I
shouldn’t have to be her parent and tell her to take care
of herself especially since I know it’s going to be a daily
problem.
